I got pretty good at numbing the pain.
My chosen collaborators and I worked pretty effectively most of the time. I was able to remain ‘undercover’ pretty consistently.
My number 1 collaborator at the time was the wine. She gave me something to look forward to most nights, it was my reprieve from my mundane beige existence and it numbed the resentment I felt for my husband who was able to effortlessly escape everyday to go to work and attend business trips that always seemed to be in stunning exotic locations.
My number 2 collaborator was my level of busyness and skills earned from my masters degree in martyrdom. These guys made sure I didn’t have much down time to think too deeply about how unhappy I really was. I kept up the all important facade that I was able to cope living interstate away from my family, work part-time and be a loving wife and Mother to my kids.
The truth was, I was dying inside.
The truth was, I was sad, lonely, resentful and bored.
The truth was, I was simply existing to meet the needs of everyone around me.
This wasn’t the first time I found myself here though, in this awfully dark and desolate place. I had been diagnosed three years earlier with PND with my second child.
Hadn’t I learnt from that experience to take better care of my self? Hadn’t I learnt that I simply can’t be the Woman I want to be without honouring my needs? Hadn’t I learnt I didn’t have to do this alone?
The problem was, I thought honouring my needs was having a bath a few times and week and indulging in a massage once a month. The problem was, I didn’t want to let people know I wasn’t coping. The problem was, I actually didn’t know there was support avail because the problem was I didn’t really know what I was searching for.
All I knew was, I was a tangled mess of sadness, resentment, loneliness and boredom.
What was THAT called?? How do you get help for THAT?
It wasn’t until I began to take responsibility for my physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing that things started to turn around.
I simply began to research things, places and people that I enjoyed and was drawn to or I thought could help me in some way. Books, angel cards, meditation classes, exercise classes, healing circles, therapy, massage.
The most wonderful thing I noticed when I began looking for ways to feel better, was that I wasn’t alone.
I wasn’t the only one who felt like this. And you know what the most comforting thing was, they were women just like me. Intelligent, capable, sensitive and loving.
We had just lost our way.
We had given to others but to the detriment of ourselves, we had forgotten or possibly never learnt how to create fair and reasonable boundaries. We simply didn’t know how to speak up for our needs with strength and grace. We never really were taught what honouring ourselves meant and how to teach others to hold us in high regard.
We weren’t broken, just lost.
There have been many women who have been willing to hold the lantern and guide me along different parts of my journey so far. Some for a fleeting moment, others who have stayed a while.
That’s why I have set up a series of 3 events called Conversations That Matter for women who are looking for some supportive companions on their journey home. Because we don’t have to do this alone. It doesn’t have to be so hard.
We invite you to come along and:
Bask in the warmth and magic of women gathering
Listen in to the wisdom of carefully chosen professionals who are willing to share their authentic stories of hopeless to hopeful
To feel less alone
To equip yourself with simple, nourishing and effective ways to begin honouring your unique needs as a woman.
Allow us to hold the lantern and indulge in the privilege of walking beside you on this important section of your journey home.